About Watermelon and Feta Salad

I do not make idle threats. However, I am horrifying lazy. Actually, that’s not true at all; I’ve just been traveling a heck of a lot the last couple months so I haven’t had the opportunity to do much cooking. HOWEVER however, revenge is a dish best served cold, as is this one, and long ago I threatened Candice and Heather Anne with this recipe so here it is. NOT that I’m trying to get revenge on them for anything or nothing, it’s just that they were a little aghast at the idea even though it is SO GOOD.

(THAT SAID, we made this for Seth’s mother back in May and, while she didn’t hate it, she informed us that she wouldn’t be making it for herself any time soon. Also that she suddenly developed a love for kalamata olives. Silver lining?)

The key to this salad has a lot to do with balance, with playing off salty and sweet and sour, with freshness bouncing off heartiness. And if you’ve ever put salt on your apple or watermelon you’ll know exactly what I mean. (Do other people actually do this? Or is this another weirdo Vietnamese habit I think is normal?) All that nonsense said, I don’t have a whole lot of instruction for you on this one; just(ish) a list of ingredients. Which look like this:



And consist of:

• A watermelon (the sweeter the better), cut into bite-sized chunks
• A block of feta cheese, cut into smaller bite-sized chunks
• Good quality kalamata olives, cut in half
• Fresh mint, julienned
• Fresh lime
• Extra virgin olive oil
• Salt and pepper to taste

I said that the key to this dish is balance, and the key to balance is ratio. So basically you want a quarter to a third the amount of feta and olives as to the watermelon. Does that make sense? MATH IS HARD. What I mean to say is, you want mostly watermelon, with a bit of feta and olive mixed in to add a little salty accent.

After you've carried the two, put all that in a bowl, add a fair bit of the mint, a generous squeeze of lime juice, and a glug or two of extra virgin olive oil. (You can also add thinly sliced red onion to this, but I never do.)



Give it a gentle stir and an initial taste. My guess is that it’s going to need a bit more lime juice, and some salt and pepper. But they’re your taste buds, so you decide for yourself. Then, cover the bowl with plastic wrap and refrigerate it for an hour or two until it’s nice and cold.



And voila. A refreshing salad for a hot barbecue.

(One small note: this salad doesn’t keep well. The salt eventually breaks down the watermelon and turns it into mush, so it’s best to make this the day you need it and not the day before. Consider yourself warned.)

About Cold Noodle Salad

Somethong (okay, I could fix that typo but COME ON) about the words cold, noodle, and salad together in a row like that strikes me as... funny? Odd? Somethong? Anyway, let’s get on with it, eh?

How about that thunderstorm, hey? That was some insane shit, I’ll tell you what. Winston was mesmerized by everything blowing around all over the place, and spent the majority of yesterday afternoon with his nose pressed to the window. But I guess that’s what happens when a (relatively) cold front smashes into HOT AS BALLS. (Incidentally, I tried to sit out by the pool on Saturday but my skin melted off after 37 seconds. True story.) Thankfully it’s no longer HOT AS BALLS, but it’s still pretty damn hot out there, so we’ll continue with our tour of dishes that do not require much if any use of heat-creating kitchen equipment. Hence the aforementioned cold noodle salad.

This is a recipe in two parts. We’ll tackle the noodles first. For four, healthy-sized servings you’ll need:

• A little more than half of a box of whole-wheat spaghetti
• 1/4 cup water
• 3 tablespoons soy sauce
• 2 tablespoons canola oil
• 2 tablespoons rice wine vinegar
• 2 teaspoons dark sesame oil
• 2 teaspoons freshly grated ginger
• 1 teaspoon sugar
• 1 teaspoon crushed red pepper
• 3-4 cloves of garlic, minced
• 1 tablespoon peanut butter

Cook the pasta according to the directions on the box. While that’s boiling, mix up the rest of the ingredients in a big bowl to make your dressing.



When the pasta is cooked, drain it, then rinse it in cold water to stop the cooking process. Drain again and toss the noodles with the dressing in your big bowl.



Then pop that big bowl in the fridge while we tackle the “salad” portion of our cold noodle salad, which consists of approximately 3 cups of whatever veg you like.



This is what I brought home from the farmers market: carrots, cucumbers, radishes, cilantro, and scallions. Other veg that would be good: baby bok choy, mushrooms, cherry tomatoes, broccoli, cauliflower, etc., etc., etc. BASICALLY, you just want to make sure your approximately 3 cups of veg is cut pretty thinly so that twirling everything onto a fork is no big whoop.

Now toss all that together with your big bowl of dressed spaghetti.



Now you have a choice: you can either serve it right away at room temperature, or you can park that baby in the fridge for an hour or so for it to chiiiiiiiill. Either way, you probably can’t go wrong.

Probably.

About Slaw with Spicy Cilantro Dressing

Oh my God, you guys (every time I say this I think it in the voice of Michael Ian Black; I do not know why), I love slaw! I love slaw SO MUCH! That's a pretty weird thing to say, isn't it? BUT I DO. And since this is Memorial Day Weekend, I thought maybe one or two of you are going to a cookout. And maybe one or two of you are in charge of bringing a side dish. And maybe one or two of you would like to bring an INTERESTING side dish. And if all that is true, then maybe one or two of you would like to make this INTERESTING slaw.

If so, you need this stuff for the dressing:

• 1/4 cup rice vinegar (not seasoned)
• 2 teaspoons sugar
• 1 teaspoon grated peeled ginger
• 2 tablespoons vegetable oil (for a slightly Asian flair, substitute 1/2 tablespoon with sesame oil)
• 1 fresh serrano chile, finely chopped, with seeds
• 1 bunch scallions, sliced
• 1/2 cup coarsely chopped cilantro
• 1/2 teaspoon salt

Whisk all that together.

And you're done!

Just kidding. You need some actual "slaw." And the beauty of "slaw" is that "slaw" can be anything. I'm not kidding! If you can shred it, you can slaw it. Here, I have some red cabbage, carrot, radish, and green onion, along with the cilantro and chile for the dressing.



Or, you know what? They actually sell bags of already shredded slaw at the grocery store if you want to be lazy about it. Me? I like to do things the hard way. TWSS.

So get your vegetables shredded and put them in a bowl, or open the bag and pour the contents into a bowl (WHATEVER), drizzle your dressing over everything and give it a toss.



And keep giving it a toss, every few minutes, for at least 10 minutes. AND THEN EAT NOM NOM NOM.



(Incidentally, this will keep in the fridge for a few days and stay all crunchy and delicious. Also, if you use a whole head of cabbage, you might want to think about doubling up the amount of dressing you use. Also, also, this is REALLY good on sammiches and burgers and junk.)